Something Random AGAIN ...

You know she’s your best friend when she wakes you up in the middle of the night and says “move over you whore!”

I built a wall, not to block everyone out, but to see who loves me enough to climb over it.

Zombies just want hugs!

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you everyday.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing!

I never fell for you... you tripped me.

Friends help you move furniture. Best friends help you move BODIES!

I’m the girl your EX will HATE. The girl your MOTHER will LOVE. And the girl YOU’LL want to be with FOREVER.

NO TRESPASSING VIOLATORS WILL BE SHOT SURVIVORS WILL BE SHOT AGAIN

So uh... you’re kinda the best thing since SLICED BREAD!!

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?... Then it must be something dirty... haha

Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting “HOLY SHIT...WHAT A RIDE!!”

I am perfectly sane. The little voices in my head told me so!

I have the cape. I make the whoosh noises!

I always hated going to weddings. All the Grandma’s would poke me and say “You’re next!” They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.

BEST FRIENDS: we’re the kind of people that laugh at a joke 3 times... once when it’s told. The 2nd time when they explain it, and the third time [[five minutes later]] when we finally get it.

OMG! OMG! OMG! ... Wait... I forgot.

It’s not denial. I’m just very selective about the reality I accept.

There are two types of pedestrians: Quick, and Dead.

Shhh... I’m hiding from the stupid people!

I’m not a Bitch... I just have a low bullshit tolerance.