Wednesday, 3 March 2010

It Hurts

Here I sit another night all alone filled with total sadness,

trying to fight back the tears that don’t seem to want to end
I lie down and try to close my eyes, but all I can picture is your face. And hear your soft voice saying I love you goodnight and sweet dreams, and I’ll never hurt you trust me.

Every thing reminds me of you, I look from room too room and hope I’ll see you there. When I hear the door I look in anticipation waiting for you to enter, and give me a hug letting me know you still care. My life now is so empty filled with sadness and gloom, in a room once that was lit up by you. I can’t stop this crying I’m just hurting so bad. I really don’t care about living anymore and wish I was dead.

I pray to the lord when I lie down my head, please come, and take me away from this pain, for I never want to feel it again. Why could you ever hurt me this way, even after you promised me day after day, that your love was forever and you’ll never stray? You tell me its not me it was all you, but how could you play my heart just like a fool.

I’m torn all apart inside and out, I’m sad and lonely and wish I was dead. I stopped taking my meds and this you know, why should I care about my life when it was so easy for you to let go? I didn’t even see you shed a tear it seemed as thou you didn’t even care. I can’t even sleep really sometimes maybe an hour or two

this is all because I STILL LOVE YOU! You and others tell me I’ll heal, but I never really will. It’s not easy to let go of all those years, and it’s not any easier to hold back my tears. I’ am giving up on my life now as you know. I don’t even care about living anymore.

I’m sad and lonely and wish I was dead. I can’t see how you could just let go, not even a feeling in deep within your soul. I put on a front when others are around, but actually I’m sad and lonely wish I was dead and under the ground. I have been getting this tight squeeze deep in my chest, pain in my arm and into my neck, my jaw feels like it was hit with a hammer. I know soon the good lord, will tell me to lie down and rest, for he will send his angels to come and get me, and take all my pain away.

The pain that you caused when you left me that day, and the pain of my heart that’s slowly drifting away. The breaths than I’m taking are getting slower and few, and I can feel my body wreaking as I hold the picture of you. Soon I’ll stop writing and lie down my head, I can feel my body getting weaker I may soon be dead. I know you told me to call 911 when I started to feel this way, but the thought of living without you another day, makes me just want to let go and fade away.

But don’t get me wrong, if I should close my eyes and die. The hurt that you have laid a pond me I will always carry, threw my eternity. Ok I must lie down now I’m feeling weaker and weak. I just want to leave you with my final thoughts, and their as follows…..
I opened up my heart to you, and let you in. You promised me that you’ll always love me, and be my best friend. After you took the key and unlocked my heart, you threw that key away and tore out my heart.

Even after you promised we would never part. You said goodbye like our love didn’t mean a thing, all those years together and all we went threw, you just pushed me aside and played my heart for a fool. But even after all you put me threw, I really can’t help it I STILL LOVE YOU!

I've missed you so very very much, since that last night we were together. I will hold that night in my memory for the rest of my life. I've been turning it over and over in my mind lately.

I'm looking at your picture and getting more upset, trying my hardest not to cry. I've wanted that picture more than anything else i know of. exept of course, you, yourself...

I keep thinking of you, Darling...
Keep wishing you would come back to me. I want to be with you so badly that i think to myself "should i kill myself for him, to show him how much i love him?"... i want to see you so badly,
but, things don't look so good in that subject... Coz i know your never gonna come back to me.
I've never been so lonesum in my life as i am right now. I'm completely lost without you, Darling. I never realized i could miss only one person so much. i just hope it won't be too much longer until i'm able to be with you again...

And live a sane and normal life with you again... With all my love from now till forever.. even if my heart is breaking...

wish you would know that.

It may have felt like I was ok, but just for a while I may say, I thought my life was starting to get better,I try to think about the good times we once had but every time I do I just feel sad.
People say time fixes everything, but I ask myself, do I have time? Life is unpredictable so it's the only thing we don´t have. I try to live life as happy as I can, you can ask anyone about that, but since I lost you I can't help it but feel sad. So if I don´t get to live tomorrow there is just one think I'd like to say. I do hope you never forget that I'll think about you every day.

Even if it makes my life miserable I enjoy the thought of you in my mind so remember the only thing I tried with you was to be kind.I want you to know you will always be in my heart no matter if we are, far apart. I hope this is not goodbye.
Don't remember me for the thing I did wrong just try to think about me so it can make you strong ...

i love you. i still do.

i keep telling myself im moving on, but baby, im not and it kills me. i wish you could read this because you have no idea how i feel. i dont mean to sound desperate but your the only guy i want.

when we dated i told you stuff no one else knows. i told you because i cared about you,and i knew my secrets were safe with you. i just wish we still had eachothers trust. i wish you were mine. everytime i finally start getting over you,i see you,and this obsession starts over. All i have to say is, waiting for you is like waiting for water in a drought,it takes forever,or at least it feels like it..

I am letting you go now, live happy, live free, live without me! I said sorry more than once, I took you back more than 100 times, I stayed by your side every single day….and you want to treat me this way? Goodbye Forever,I am sorry…sorry you lost me!

Ive been sitting here trying to find the words to say. thats always been my problem — not having the right words to say. I've built the walls around my heart and I've built them tall. But its not fair to you that I only give you half of my heart. If in time you believe you'll be able to love a fool like me, then know that these walls will fall at the mention of your name or the smell of your perfume. My dear, my love, my everything… Im yours.

but im still here and hoping that our relationship will gonna be okay after all i suffered… im just only want to love you what you are not what you have… im always have my LRT rules LRT means LOVE you, TRUST you, and RESPECT you…

im the one who always cry for you coz im the one who hurt most when you acuse me a thing that i never than to you… im just a person who being fair to you and true to you but your blind and numb because of your hatred… but i dont want to get tired to you coz i want you to see who iam for you… because im real to you… i dont want you to feel regret if we done and im gone in your life before you realize all of things that you done to me ws unfair… im so sorry if im still hoping that i can help you and in love with you… im so sorry..

I can’t stand not being with you or seeing you or not talking to you I would do anything to see your face.
ya i love u more than my own life, even more than what u may think….. why my eyes shed tears? and if i have done anything that have hurt u I WOULD LIKE tO SAY U SORRY DEAR… wish for ur happiness…..